Rearranged
by inthemusicbox
Summary: Nothings changed. It was simply rearranged, and Riku wasn't ready to accept that he might actually deserve to be loved. [riku x sora][possible two or three part]


_Riku angst..Because I love it. Standard copyrights apply. I don't own Riku, or Sora, or other concepts mentioned here, but i do possess a sora plushie, and that's good enough for me :) well, until they make a riku one then it'll be even better. _

- - -

**Rearranged**

' '_nothings changed_..' '

•- **-- --- --- --- --- -- -**•

**-**-**x**x**S**er_e_**ni**ty

- - -

It was all fine at first because they were home. They had defeated the darkness, overcame it with light, and because of that, they were able to go home, where they belonged, with their friends...

with their _friends_..

And he was scared of that, dead terrified even. He voiced his concerns once. _"How can I face everyone?" _and was reassured by none other than the bane of his hatred. That stupid, silly face...

_I hate you._..

But he lies. He lies to keep himself happy, to keep Sora happy. Mostly to keep Sora happy. But he knows he hasn't won. His chest hurts and he wishes, for the first time, that he didn't have that damned heart. Perhaps if things were different ...perhaps then he could've turned into a heartless, and he would've slipped off into his element, never to return, never having to care again, never having to love like he did. He would've forgotten everything..and the darkness hangs on _him _so well..

He scowls, and kicks at the sand. _Stupid, unchanging island. Stupid laughter, stupid love.._

Sora runs up to him now, wondering why he isn't over there with the rest of them. He flashes the worried teen a grin and reassures him that he's just "reacquainting" himself with their home, the one he had been away from for so long..his own fault of course. _Stupid self for opening that stupid door._

_Stupid door..._

Sora nods, and gives in way too quickly, returning then to his friends, and to that laughter. Riku watches with that returning scowl and scoffs as he glances away. _Stupid_..

He seethes inside _because _Sora gives in too easily, though he chides himself..He should've figured that. After all.._Sora always thought Riku was better at stuff than him_. It shouldn't have been surprising that the younger one took his words as genuine and abandoned him all too quickly once again.

He seethes still, unpleasantly shifting in the sand once he sits._Stupid, stupid sand, remaining how it is, how it was, never changing.._

And he watches still..that's all he ever does..all he ever did..on the outside looking in and the one time he sought to take action, he nearly ripped entire worlds asunder all for one who was happy to see Sora... but not _him_.

That's how it _always _had been, he supposed. Sora, Kairi...Riku.

Teeth grit at that forced pause in his mind. He shakes his head.

_Stupid, stupid._

He wills his mind elsewhere...Ansem.

Darkness incarnate, _his _darkness incarnate. Or was it.._he_ was darkness incarnate..He _was_ Ansem for a short time after all..

And when Riku laments over this fact, Sora tells him that he needn't worry, because he wasn't and never was Ansem. His body was simply borrowed, his heart captured..that was all..

But not removed.

_Stupid.._

He feels that heaviness in his chest grow, and again he curses that damned, stupid, useless heart, and his thoughts return to Ansem..

_He was a heartless, wasn't he?_

That feeling of longing creeps upon him, and he feels instantly guilty Imagine..wishing he was more like Ansem..when he had fought so long and hard to repel that particular darkness lingering in his cursed heart.

..Wishing he was the thing he so vehemently hated...

He finds himself forcing his thoughts back to that which he had previously willed away, and as if to emphasize the fact that fate was mocking him, the object of his musings approaches yet again, glowing with concern, as was the boy's nature.

"Riku?" Sora questions, stronger this time, making it known that he wouldn't be repelled so easily. It makes the other frown all over again, but he quickly replaces that with a stoic look.

"What, Sora?" He responds with only the slightest hint of impatience.

Sora ignores this, or doesn't even recognize it, _because that happens often,_ and flops himself down besides his friend. Innocent eyes scan the waves of the ocean and their friends, laughing and playing, all things that kids who hadn't been subjected to two years of overwhelming hardships so greatly knew.

Riku sees him watching, and his eyes avert into the warm, messy sand.

"Don't let me keep-"

"Remember when you said that nothing's changed?" But Sora quickly interjects before Riku can finish his sentence. He simply nods in agreement, even if Sora's eyes are fixed to the gradually dimming sky as the day gives way to the haunting glow of night. He didn't need Riku's response, because he went on anyway, even without seeing his nod.

"And I said that nothing ever will...Well..I sort of regret that now, I mean...change is good, right?" He spares his friend a glance to the side, and he notes how Riku is completely caught off guard. His expression is somewhat blank and the innocently naive Sora sees that as a cue to continue.

"Anyway, we've been friends for a long time, and everything we been through has sort of made me think a lot, and made me realize..um..things..and it's just that..well..."

Nervousness was apparent; fingers fiddle with the hem of his jacket as he struggles over the words, and Riku grows more and more impatient by the second.

"Get on with it."

"Fine.."

Reluctant, yet compliant, Sora does as told. He turns, and quickly, hastily shoots forward, crashing his lips against Riku's with a new, strengthened resolve. It was easier than constantly stumbling over his words anyway..

Oceanic eyes blink wide, surprised, and after the initial instinct to fight him off settled, he melted, resistance fleeing as a hand upraised to settle against a smooth, tan cheek, holding the younger one's head steady as he deepened that previously unwelcome kiss.

They're both shaking; one feels like their world is going to come cliche-ly crashing down on them after such an abrupt confession while the other is busy making sense of past, present and future.

Riku would lie if he were to say he wasn't elated, after all _this_was what he felt. This unhindered, unabated love for his best friend. It was the realization made that fateful night when he thought that door was closed one final time..locking him away from the one he wanted so desperately to be with..

_The one he wants to be with.._

Oh the realizations we make about people when we're faced with the possibility of losing them forever..

And now it was reality. All those longing feelings sealed behind Sora's soft, velvety lips.

Riku moves a hand out to rest on his shoulder, to feel his arm, whatever comes in contact with his eager hand first. But he halts suddenly, rearing back as if burned upon touch, and while Sora looks up at him, Riku slowly stands, and backs away.

_How dare you even imagine what it would be like.._

It's pure bliss, the thought of being with him, the feel of his lips, his skin, crossing those lines that two best friends are _never_supposed to cross..It would all be perfect..if he actually deserved it.

But he knew he didn't. The thought weighed heavy on his stupid, useless heart, more so when he saw Sora's pitifully hurt look. Still, he knew he had to drive the message home. This would only bring him more pain in the long run.

"Sora, are you crazy?" He feigns disgust; choking, sputtering, wiping his lips, anything that he thought would drive the stake in deeper while Sora looks on helplessly, the heat of embarrassment visible in his face, and moment by moment did that red deepen, and composure gradually slipping. He feels the tears prick at the corner of his eyes, but he bravely fights them back.

"I-I'm sorry.." He stutters, tripping over his words. Never in all his life did he ever want anything more than to crawl into a hole and die at that moment. "I just sort of thought–"

"Whatever it was, you thought wrong." Riku snaps, eager to convince the boy of his "wrong doing" and at the same time keep his own voice from shaking. It shouldn't have been this hard. He had played "keep-away" before..successfully.

_Then why did it hurt so much worse this time.._

Sora never looked in such pain..even when they faced each other that first time in Hollow Bastion.

Riku supposed it was easier going against your enemy than it was your friend..

_Best friend.._

"–That's_all _we are. Got it?"

Words are accentuated strong and cool, like _he_always was. Very, very convincing indeed, enough to have Sora wincing, and looking away in obvious shame.

"Yeah. It was stupid of me to think anything else.."

"Damn straight"

Cold and biting, his words cut through him, and Sora actually scowls this time, shooting the elder a nasty glare in return.

"Okay, I get it. You don't have to rub it in. I'm an idiot."

_An idiot for caring about me, yeah._

But as Riku speaks to himself, he scoffs, in turn eliciting more anger from the rejected boy. But he doesn't show it. He wouldn't explode, not on his _best _friend.

He only appears deeply hurt, as if someone cut a wound deeper than any keyblade could inflict.

And that was enough for Riku, who looks away to avoid the hurt look of his rejected best friend..

But he turns back to watch when Sora leaves, eyes glued to his back as he grows farther and farther away, back to that group of laughing, careless friends.

_Stupid friends.._

And Riku returns to his reclusive, pensive state, this time musing over how he had singlehandedly destroyed his own dreams as well as those of his best friend.

_Nothings changed._

_And nothing ever will._

* * *

_For the first time ever, i have nothing really to say :( Hope you all enjoyed it. I posted it elsewhere first, then decided to post it here..Why? I don't know :o Review though plzkthx.  
_


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